I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
