So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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