she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bring me that man meat
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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