You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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