I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
