he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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