This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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