you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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