I want to walk on stilts...naked
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
