my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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