Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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