I don't think brook has ever known best
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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