my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
