I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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