he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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