the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
