I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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