3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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