He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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