Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
