Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
