Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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