I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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