butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize
