Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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