You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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