He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
