hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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