Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
