the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
