Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
