I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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