So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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