The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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