1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
