Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
