I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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