guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
