all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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