I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
