between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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