you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
