I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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