new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
