You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
