Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
