Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
