I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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