So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
