When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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