I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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