Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
