The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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