i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
