i would punch a child for taco bell
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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