those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
