Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
