I think my vagina is haunted
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
