all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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