So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
