i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
