I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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