I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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