im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
