it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
