youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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