Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
