so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do vagina's smell?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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