I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
