I think my vagina is haunted
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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