I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
