fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
