hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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